for God so loved the world

I don’t often write about so-called “hot topics”, but this one has come up more than a few times recently and has been on my mind a lot.  You may disagree with me, and that’s okay.  I will still love you.  I will still listen to you and respect your opinions.  We can still be friends and enjoy coffee together.

I am saddened by how Christians have treated homosexuals.  We alienate and judge them, shaking our heads in disgust and shunning them with our superiority.  We welcome all kinds of sinners into our lives and into the church: active and practicing liars, adulterers, addicts, fornicators, gossips…but not gays.  We have earned titles of “homophobic” and “hatemongers” because often the message that is preached is that God hates homosexuals.

This is so very wrong and it breaks my heart.  God so loved the world that He sent Jesus to die for us, even while we were still sinners.  We are to love our neighbors, our brothers and sisters, and even our enemies.  (See John 3:16-17, Matthew 5:43-48, Romans 5:8, Matthew 7:1-5, Mark 2:13-17, Galatians 5:14, etc.)

But then there is the other side of the coin: Christians that take a neutral stance in the name of love, saying, “It’s none of our business anyway”, or claim nothing wrong with homosexuality, perhaps joining in the message, “They were born this way.”   We now have gay pastors and homosexual Christians, living lives and preaching messages contrary to the Word of God.

Scripture is clear that we have ALL been born this way: as slaves to sin, and it is only by His grace that we have been saved (Ephesians 2:8-9, Romans 3:23-24).  The Bible is also very clear that homosexuality is one of many sins:

“Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites,  nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.  And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God.”  1 Corinthians 6:9-11, NKJV.  (See also: Leviticus 20:13, Mark 10:6-9, Romans 1:20-32, 1 Timothy 1:9-11, Hebrews 13:4, Galatians 5:16-20, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5, and Jude 1:7, to name a few.)

Just because the Bible is clear on homosexuality (as well as many other moral issues) doesn’t mean that it is a gospel of hate.  And in the same way, just because I believe that homosexuality is unnatural and sinful doesn’t mean I am allowed to treat a gay person any differently from anyone else or judge them for their behaviors and actions.  We are called to both unconditionally love others AND stand for the truth of God’s Word.  And in this I am saddened to find the church lacking.  How in the world would I ever be able to invite a gay friend or a gay couple into a Bible-believing church or even to an outreach ministry event?  Can you imagine what could happen?

However, I also don't think that because the church has treated homosexuals so poorly, we should instead compromise on what scripture says and welcome homosexuality with open arms to make up for it.  For me there is a very huge difference in welcoming homosexuals and in welcoming homosexuality.  ("Love the sinner; hate the sin," some would say.)  Instead, why don't we apologize to the gay community for our poor example of the gospel and instead show them compassion and friendship as Jesus did?  That doesn't mean we have to agree, but it does mean we love.  I don't have to approve of every decision you've made in life or agree with your every belief in order to care for you.


 As far as gay marriage is concerned, I think it is clear that this is also not a part of God’s design (1 Corinthians 7:2, Matthew 19:4-6, Gen 2:24).  However, I do think that the church has handled this too very poorly.  If we believe what the Bible says, the church should stand for marriage as God intended it to be between one man and one woman.  Does that mean that it is also our duty to define it in our legal system for everyone, even those who don’t share our beliefs and morals?

Honestly, I really don’t have an answer for this question.  We should obviously stand for the truth in God’s Word without shame, but I’m not so sure trying to force our beliefs onto others is the right answer either.  For me, it is the difficulty that comes with legislating morality.  I find it to be not as simple as some people see it.
 

The whole point of me writing this is that it isn’t just a theoretical discussion.  Homosexuals, bisexuals, transsexuals, and all humans are REAL people; people who have intelligence, skills, dreams, passions, and who have needs and are hurting just like anyone else.  And there are Bible-believing Christians who have friends and family struggling with this issue and are unsupported in how to genuinely love and minister to their loved ones.  I feel that this is a huge problem that the church is unable to address right now.  It seems we are so busy being political that we’re neglecting the people.  REAL, ACTUAL people.


For me, I can only follow what I know and believe: that Jesus loves us.  That He died for us while we were yet still sinners.  That when we trust and believe in Him as our Savior, He grants us unending forgiveness and unfailing love.  And that because of His grace we are forever changed by His love.

I want to see all people treated the way Jesus would have treated them, with love, respect, and compassion.  I want to see hurting people discover a life of freedom and wholeness through the truth of the gospel.  I want to see a church that truly loves the Lord and desires to share His heart for lost people.  I want to know His love and learn to love His way.  Shouldn’t this be our primary goal?

Matthew 22:36-40:

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’  All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

hunger

If you have been reading my blog at all, you know that we have been through a lot this year.  But it’s really only been recently that I have started feeling it.  I tend to process things logically until at some unexpected moment, I begin to feel what happened.  But instead of feeling like depression, the impact of this dark time for me feels more like hunger.  I may even feel inspired by it.

Don’t get me wrong: I am completely thankful for it all.  I believe with all of my heart that every single moment of my existence is purposed by God Himself and that His ways are flawless.  I look around and am beyond grateful for the blessings in my life.  But somehow I find myself missing what I had.  I feel loss.

Even as I write those sentences, I am reminded that none of it is or has ever been mine.  Even my body and my children belong to the Lord.  He just lets me (attempt to) take care of them for a little while.  At the same time, I also believe that God desires to bring restoration, abundant life, and increased blessing.

I suppose the right word for what I’m hungry for is “renewal”.  Perhaps even “revival”.  I’m ready, and I’ll be praying for it.  So, let this be your warning… I know Someone is listening.

bees

Around the time our church was closing a few months ago, one of our elders who is also a friend of mine called me up to tell me about a dream.   In her dream, she watched as I was chased and attacked by bees.  She rushed to bring Alexa safely inside and told Ryan to call 911 as I went into anaphylactic shock, struggling to breathe.

You may or may not place much value in dreams, but this one seemed pretty important.  It was significant enough for her to call me and tell me about it.  The most significant part to me was that Alexa was safe.  Whatever the attack was that might be coming, our daughter was safe, I knew Ryan was by my side, and Jesus was there to fight for me.

A month ago, everything started.

The first thing to happen was I needed a biopsy.  The results indicated “precancerous” cells, which is the medical way of saying it was nothing but may or may not stay that way.  This didn’t bother me too much.  I didn't care to give it a lot of attention.  Okay, fine, cut it out, let’s move on.

At the same time, I had a brief fever and my eyes were oddly puffy for about a week.  Then I developed a very minor sore throat.  Allergies?  Cold virus?  I didn’t think too much about it.  Then it flared up into an excruciatingly painful, ER-worthy problem.  I ended up with a tonsillar abscess measuring almost a square inch.  They were concerned that if the swelling continued, I wouldn’t be able to breathe.  I stayed overnight at the hospital, was given steroids and antibiotics, and the ENT incised and drained it the next day.  After a follow up visit and a second incision, I was good to go.  The theory was that the mono virus was to blame.  Painful, inconvenient, and dramatic, but that was over.

During this whole time, we knew I was pregnant.  After having a miscarriage around Easter earlier this year, we were intentionally waiting to share the news until we heard or saw a heartbeat.  And with all of this other stuff happening, we had put it on the back burner.  Finally, I decided it would be nice to schedule an OB appointment before my “pre-cancer” surgery.  I was ready to move on and get excited about our second baby.  But we were in for another disappointment.  The ultrasound showed an underdeveloped fetus and no heartbeat.  A follow up today confirmed I was miscarrying.

Unlike the earlier miscarriage where there was no fetal development, our baby was about six and a half weeks along this time.  We have been grieving our loss over the last few days, but at the same time, we know our child is in the arms of pure Holiness and Goodness.  God has been reminding me that He takes really good care of all of His kids and I have nothing to fear.  His plans are to prosper me, not to harm me, to give me hope and a future.  Oh how He loves us!  Our child is in His arms…what a blessing!

Yes, the bees came and they meant business.  But my God is greater.  Though he slay me, yet will I hope in Him.  I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  He is Faithful and Good, and I am so grateful for His unending love for me.  As we walk along this crazy and sometimes painful journey He has us on, our experiences, both those of joy and pain, add value to this life He has given us and glory to His name.  He is the source of Abundant Life and He will bring us through.  All honor, all glory, and all praise be unto the name of Jesus!

Thank you all for your prayers and support.  Your words of encouragement have meant so much to me.  We love you all so very much.

“Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west. I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’ and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’ Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth—everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.”

life, loss, and resurrection

Life

Motherhood is the hardest, best job in the world.  What a joy it is to see my daughter learn, grow, and blissfully enjoy her world.  What a responsibility it is for me to somehow nurture, encourage, and protect this curious creature as she continues to make new discoveries each day.  It is my chief priority and delight every day, and it is utterly exhausting.  Yet I am madly in love.

I don’t want to do anything differently.  I don’t want the house to be any cleaner … I don’t want to have any more money … I don’t want to have more time for myself … if it meant missing out on watching her giggle, explore, and learn.   For me, it’s not worth the sacrifice, because she is my daily joy.  She is life.

Loss

Even as I write this, I am also going through the difficulty of miscarriage.  This is a hard thing for anyone to go through, and yet it is far more common than most people realize.  About 1 in 5 pregnancies result in miscarriage and, more than likely, you know a lot more people who have experienced this than you even realize.  It’s not something that usually comes up in everyday conversation or that people feel very comfortable talking about.  It is a loss that is at the very least disappointing and sad; at the most it can be heartbreaking.  In every case, it is life-changing.

A few weeks ago we closed our church, which has been home to us for over six years.  Our time at the Vineyard had a tremendous impact on how I view worship, living under grace, and freedom in Jesus.  Even though it was the right thing and the right time, it is still a loss to have to shut the doors and say goodbye.

Resurrection

I think there is significance in all of this is happening around Easter.  I don’t pretend to understand these themes of life, loss, and the promise of resurrection, but I at least know they are there.

I am so thankful that my Heavenly Father loves me and is in control in every moment.  Because He is good and perfect, so are His plans.  I couldn’t be more grateful for where He is leading us and how we are getting there, even if I don’t even know where that is yet.  His plans are to prosper us, not to harm us, and to give us hope and a future.  Even though our family won’t be growing this year and we don’t have a church to call home, I am so excited for the great unknown that lies ahead.  And meanwhile I live for today: to worship the Lord in the beauty of His holiness; to experience His love in new ways and to be listening to and challenged by His Spirit at every moment; to enjoy my husband and my daughter and the friends and family we have around us; and to treasure every little blessing that is in every day.

 

Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me