Motherhood is the hardest, best job in the world. What a joy it is to see my daughter learn, grow, and blissfully enjoy her world. What a responsibility it is for me to somehow nurture, encourage, and protect this curious creature as she continues to make new discoveries each day. It is my chief priority and delight every day, and it is utterly exhausting. Yet I am madly in love.
I don’t want to do anything differently. I don’t want the house to be any cleaner … I don’t want to have any more money … I don’t want to have more time for myself … if it meant missing out on watching her giggle, explore, and learn. For me, it’s not worth the sacrifice, because she is my daily joy. She is life.
Loss
Even as I write this, I am also going through the difficulty
of miscarriage. This is a hard thing for
anyone to go through, and yet it is far more common than most people
realize. About 1 in 5 pregnancies result
in miscarriage and, more than likely, you know a lot more people who have
experienced this than you even realize.
It’s not something that usually comes up in everyday conversation or
that people feel very comfortable talking about. It is a loss that is at the very least disappointing
and sad; at the most it can be heartbreaking.
In every case, it is life-changing.
A few weeks ago we closed our church, which has been home to
us for over six years. Our time at the Vineyard
had a tremendous impact on how I view worship, living under grace, and freedom in
Jesus. Even though it was the right thing
and the right time, it is still a loss to have to shut the doors and say
goodbye.
Resurrection
I think there is significance in all of this is happening around
Easter. I don’t pretend to understand these
themes of life, loss, and the promise of resurrection, but I at least know they
are there.
I am so thankful that my Heavenly Father loves me and is in
control in every moment. Because He is
good and perfect, so are His plans. I
couldn’t be more grateful for where He is leading us and how we are getting
there, even if I don’t even know where that is yet. His plans are to prosper us, not to harm us,
and to give us hope and a future. Even
though our family won’t be growing this year and we don’t have a church to call
home, I am so excited for the great unknown that lies ahead. And meanwhile I live for today: to worship
the Lord in the beauty of His holiness; to experience His love in new ways and
to be listening to and challenged by His Spirit at every moment; to enjoy my
husband and my daughter and the friends and family we have around us; and to
treasure every little blessing that is in every day.
Spirit, lead me where
my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
