Monday, July 28, 2014

bees

Around the time our church was closing a few months ago, one of our elders who is also a friend of mine called me up to tell me about a dream.   In her dream, she watched as I was chased and attacked by bees.  She rushed to bring Alexa safely inside and told Ryan to call 911 as I went into anaphylactic shock, struggling to breathe.

You may or may not place much value in dreams, but this one seemed pretty important.  It was significant enough for her to call me and tell me about it.  The most significant part to me was that Alexa was safe.  Whatever the attack was that might be coming, our daughter was safe, I knew Ryan was by my side, and Jesus was there to fight for me.
A month ago, everything started.

The first thing to happen was I needed a biopsy.  The results indicated “precancerous” cells, which is the medical way of saying it was nothing but may or may not stay that way.  This didn’t bother me too much.  I didn't care to give it a lot of attention.  Okay, fine, cut it out, let’s move on.
At the same time, I had a brief fever and my eyes were oddly puffy for about a week.  Then I developed a very minor sore throat.  Allergies?  Cold virus?  I didn’t think too much about it.  Then it flared up into an excruciatingly painful, ER-worthy problem.  I ended up with a tonsillar abscess measuring almost a square inch.  They were concerned that if the swelling continued, I wouldn’t be able to breathe.  I stayed overnight at the hospital, was given steroids and antibiotics, and the ENT incised and drained it the next day.  After a follow up visit and a second incision, I was good to go.  The theory was that the mono virus was to blame.  Painful, inconvenient, and dramatic, but that was over.
During this whole time, we knew I was pregnant.  After having a miscarriage around Easter earlier this year, we were intentionally waiting to share the news until we heard or saw a heartbeat.  And with all of this other stuff happening, we had put it on the back burner.  Finally, I decided it would be nice to schedule an OB appointment before my “pre-cancer” surgery.  I was ready to move on and get excited about our second baby.  But we were in for another disappointment.  The ultrasound showed an underdeveloped fetus and no heartbeat.  A follow up today confirmed I was miscarrying.
Unlike the earlier miscarriage where there was no fetal development, our baby was about six and a half weeks along this time.  We have been grieving our loss over the last few days, but at the same time, we know our child is in the arms of pure Holiness and Goodness.  God has been reminding me that He takes really good care of all of His kids and I have nothing to fear.  His plans are to prosper me, not to harm me, to give me hope and a future.  Oh how He loves us!  Our child is in His arms…what a blessing!

Yes, the bees came and they meant business.  But my God is greater.  Though he slay me, yet will I hope in Him.  I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  He is Faithful and Good, and I am so grateful for His unending love for me.  As we walk along this crazy and sometimes painful journey He has us on, our experiences, both those of joy and pain, add value to this life He has given us and glory to His name.  He is the source of Abundant Life and He will bring us through.  All honor, all glory, and all praise be unto the name of Jesus!
Thank you all for your prayers and support.  Your words of encouragement have meant so much to me.  We love you all so very much.

“Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west. I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’ and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’ Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth—everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.”