hunger

If you have been reading my blog at all, you know that we have been through a lot this year.  But it’s really only been recently that I have started feeling it.  I tend to process things logically until at some unexpected moment, I begin to feel what happened.  But instead of feeling like depression, the impact of this dark time for me feels more like hunger.  I may even feel inspired by it.

Don’t get me wrong: I am completely thankful for it all.  I believe with all of my heart that every single moment of my existence is purposed by God Himself and that His ways are flawless.  I look around and am beyond grateful for the blessings in my life.  But somehow I find myself missing what I had.  I feel loss.

Even as I write those sentences, I am reminded that none of it is or has ever been mine.  Even my body and my children belong to the Lord.  He just lets me (attempt to) take care of them for a little while.  At the same time, I also believe that God desires to bring restoration, abundant life, and increased blessing.

I suppose the right word for what I’m hungry for is “renewal”.  Perhaps even “revival”.  I’m ready, and I’ll be praying for it.  So, let this be your warning… I know Someone is listening.