abundant life

I am bursting with artistry.

After spending a weekend in Georgia several weeks ago, I discovered something new about myself.  I love to paint.

For as long as I can remember, I have always loved art and envied those who could produce it.  One of my favorite classes in college was the art appreciation course I was required to take.   I’ve always known that there is art in me but never knew the extent of my skills or what mediums I might be good at.  I’ve always messed around with a variety of artistic projects (t-shirts, photography, sewing, sketching, interior design, music, writing) but never finished anything that would be considered an actual piece of art.  I always assumed I would need to take a considerable number of classes in order to produce anything that could be officially labeled “art”.

But, as it turns out, without having had any art classes, I can paint.  And I really enjoy it!

So far, I’ve really only produced two paintings I’m proud of (one in pastel and another in acrylic), but I am aching for more.

I also have a growing list of projects for our house that requires some measure of painting skills in order to complete.  I am planning on painting some scripture on the wall of one of our rooms, at least one large piece of art, lampshades, and even some curtains.  (Yes, I want to paint curtains.  How awesome is that?)  I am a little obsessed over home décor, recovering chairs and cushions, and bringing more life into our home with thrift store finds and do-it-yourself projects.  Ryan’s even jumped on the creative bandwagon and wants to build picture frames for me and a custom-made couch.

The artistic explosion doesn’t end there.

I am now the worship leader at our church, and I couldn’t be more thrilled with the freedom of worship we are experiencing.  I’ve been involved with church music nearly my whole life, but it’s never been quite like this.  I am in awe of God’s perfect timing, His faithfulness, and His stunning glory.  We are so alive in Him!

The hardest part in all of this is being content with where I am.  There are only 24 hours in each day, only so much money in our bank account, and I only have a limited set of skills.  But it is so amazing to see that despite the limitations and weaknesses, God is so pleased by our expressions of worship and our joy of life in Him.  As flawed as imperfect as it is, this life is indeed abundant.

it's here: the piano

About six months ago, I had a conversation with a dear family friend about something that God had put on his heart. Over the phone, he told me that he wanted to find and invest in a baby grand piano with a small price tag. He wanted me to help him look since I could give a good opinion on the sound quality and judge the playability and feel. But that wasn't the only reason he wanted my help. He also didn't want to keep it for himself. He said he wanted ME to keep it.

What?!

He explained further that, being a music lover, he wanted to support the arts, and the best way he could think of was to buy a piano and let me, a pianist without a piano, take care of it. The only catch was that I would have to play for him when he came to visit and to be sure to play it often for others.

Really?!

So, needless to say, I have been looking off and on for the last few months, and came to the conclusion that a quality baby grand in his price range was impossible. I found a few nice upright pianos that were in that range, but the baby grand pianos were always in poor condition, structurally and internally. They just sounded terrible.

So every time I would make my search, I would report back to him my findings, convinced that the quality piano he was looking for would have to be an upright.

But God had something else to say about it. Oh, me of little faith.

***

I have been looking around Craigslist a lot lately for lots of little additions to our new home. This morning I was perusing furniture and household items as usual when I felt the urge to search for "piano". Even after all these months, I don't think I have actually looked on Craigslist for a piano.

One of the ads today caught my eye. There actually was an interesting posting for a Kawaii baby grand. Kawaii pianos are what I almost exclusively played in college, and it had a reasonable asking price, so I passed the info along.

My dear friend told me to go look at it and that "we might be able to make an offer and get it...I like it also". I called and made an appointment to see it. Turns out it was taking up too much space at a mobile home clubhouse, and they wanted it gone.

All of this was going by so fast, I wasn't even realizing what was happening.

Truthfully, I wasn't expecting much when I went to see it--even baby grands listed for many thousands of dollars tended to need a lot of work in order to even be a decent piano. They seemed more like large decorations rather than musical instruments.

I was surprised. It played quite nicely and the tone was beautiful. It had some aesthetic quirks but nothing that would hurt the sound quality or playability. Even Ryan, who claims to "be as musical as a rock" was impressed, noticing an obvious difference between the sound of this piano and others we had looked at in this price range.

I was even more surprised when I measured it. It was almost six feet long.

"Isn't that a little large for a baby grand?" Ryan and I both asked each other in the car.

When we got back home, I surveyed our music room with the tape measure.

"It would work, actually," I said, surprised again.

My buyer told me to go ahead and make a low offer. I could hardly believe all of this was happening so fast. Over the next several minutes, I ended up playing the role of middleman between the buyer and seller. I was nervous, but excitement was steadily growing with each phone call.

Between one of my phone calls, I stopped and looked at Ryan on the couch.

"So, this might be happening," I said, wide-eyed. "My seller just gave me his lowest price--which is the same as my buyer's highest."

I jumped up and down.

So I have a piano. A beautiful black Kawaii six foot grand piano.

"Do you have room for it?" asked my friend and benefactor.

"Well, I guess I'll have a piano room!" I replied.

***

The story didn't end there. After figuring out the logistics of how to get it paid for and getting a deposit ready for the time being, I turned to Ryan.

"How much can we chip in to move it?" I asked.

"All of it, I think?"

"Really?" I said, confused.

"Hold on a second," he answered, then left the room.

When he came back, he handed me a jar.

I took it, almost laughing. "What's in this?" I said, shaking it, expecting to hear the rattle of pennies. It didn't rattle.

"Money," he said simply.

I squinted at the darkened glass, glimpsed a five dollar bill on top, and then all the emotions spilled out.

I can still hardly believe it.

All of this is happening on a very busy weekend, right after some recent financial challenges for us.  It's funny though--we have available the exact amount of money needed to put down a deposit tomorrow and have already figured out how to make the final purchase and reimbursement of money happen.  Also, it wasn't really ideal for the investor to buy the piano now either, but all of us somehow felt this was right for right now.  Which means that it is happening in God's timing.  He just brought it all together (dare I say, orchestrated it?) so beautifully.

All I can say is, God provides.

stress

It is all too easy to get stressed out and forget to take care of myself.  I sometimes seem to be last on my priority list, especially when there is a lot of change going on or a lot of unexpected events.

My family is good at reminding me that stressful situations or problems are only temporary.  A conversation between my mom and I this week reminded me of the very important word, perspective.  Perspective can change the way I react to a situation in an instant.  Ryan says that stress is simply a reaction to change, and how I react (or how stressed I get) is up to me.

This past week, I got stressed over money.  We had a large unforeseen expense come up and a significant theft happen around the same time.  Initially, I didn't react very well.

Stress doesn't have to be all bad.  Change and unexpected circumstances are a natural part of life, where lessons are learned, and are often a catalyst for breaking the monotony of daily routines.  However, when I let stress take over and mutate into a big ball of worry, I lose sight of the big picture.  I will start adding stresses to my growing ball of chaos so that life now seems to be falling apart.  I then become the mass of chaos, and it isn't pretty.  Poor hubby.

The other way to handle it is to take it in stride and learn something.  Life has stress, it's true.  But it IS temporary.  Earthly treasures will be destroyed or stolen.  And, "where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Matt 6:21)  This is where the perspective comes in.  Do I want to invest my heart in things that will turn to dust or things that are eternal?

My dad used to say, "money is only money".  I know that God takes care of us when we live in obedience and wisdom, as well as in grace.  We have been so blessed with a beautiful home, wonderful friends and family, and so many earthly things that make our lives enjoyable and comfortable.  I'd certainly rather enjoy these gifts then let other things ruin it.

So yesterday, besides going to work, I got a massage, sat outside Starbucks and wrote, and went to Zumba class.  When stressful things happen, I need to remember perspective and still prioritize what I enjoy and do things I want.  It doesn't mean that I get to ignore the problems, but I know that I still need to care for myself in the process of tackling stressful situations.  Perhaps even more so.  Why not have some fun!

on the back porch

What a lovely way to begin a day--skipping the gym and drinking tea on my back porch in absolutely perfect chilly weather.  I'm trying to imagine what kind of garden I can grow out here on my porch and where in my yard I can put my plants that will need full sun.  Maybe I should start with the porch to see if I can handle maintaining something small first before I try some giant vegetable garden doomed for failure.  I have this habit of trying to keep plants alive, neglecting them altogether, then desperately trying to keep them from dying again.  I think I'll have to figure out how to fix this problem of mine.

If I could make this morning tea on the porch thing a daily habit, it would be no problem.  And I like that idea, except it means waking up early enough to do it.  Thankfully, since Ryan's schedule has changed, I'll be able to try it out.  I'm kind of a morning person, at least I think I still am, but I'll have to unadjust to what I've made myself do over the last year or so.

Over the last few days, I've been pondering a few different things: how I'd like to improve this home of ours that I love so much, how I want to travel and go back to my beautiful city of Edinburgh, and why books have certain affects on me and why I can react to them so emotionally.

I love our home, but I feel that there is so much more I could do to make it feel homier.  There are rooms that have hardly been touched, and even the ones we use are painfully barren.  I'm not a knick-knack person, and I find that most home decor items are way too kitchy for my tastes.  I love art, but the good stuff is pretty expensive.  Even trying to make it myself will still require an expensive visit to the craft store.  Decorating on a budget AND having very narrowed tastes is often very perplexing.

Edinburgh looms over me like a beautiful dream.  I find myself imagining I am on the coast of St. Andrews or climbing Arthur's Seat, and my heart starts to burn with longing.  It's more than just the beauty of Scotland, the wonderful friendships there, or the fun of traveling.  A part of my heart is still enraptured by the freedom I experienced while I lived there.  To me, Scotland means growth, inspiration, and freedom.

Then there's this thing with books.  I love my book club gals so much and how being a part of this group has re-engaged my mind to such a variety of literary wonders.  In some ways, it's similar to being back in school again, but without the homework, tests, and cafeteria food.  I love reading not just for the joy of it, but also to engage my mind in it and to discuss it with others, glimpsing into their thoughts as well.

Right now, we are reading a book I would never recommend to anyone called "Running With Scissors".  They made a movie out of it, and it is supposedly a comedy, but I find it much more disturbing and depressing than most things I have read.  This is partly because it is also one of the most vulgar and explicit things I've read.  It has been facinating to finally be able to move past my emotional responses of how I feel about it and dig into what I actually think about it, which seem to be two different responses.  I am actually enjoying this unique process, because usually what I feel and think about a book is pretty much the same.  I'm excited to talk about it, but that requires someone else in the book club getting past the first few chapters.  We'll see what happens.

Anyway, it's been a delight to take a little time this morning to blog, and even more delightful to skip my gym workout today.  I have been doing well over the last week and a half, going to the gym every weekday and keeping an eye on what I am eating.  I might have lost a pound since the beginning of the year.  I hate how slowly my excess weight drips off me.  If I keep pressing in, I know each pound will come off one at a time, slowly but surely.  I just have to be dilligent...and that's the hard part.  There is no easy way.

Life is good.  There is a lot of work to be done, but there is much joy in it.  Enjoy the day!

new year's rez

Weight currently: 152 lbs
Weight gained in 2010: 10 lbs, approximately. (Very fitting.  Ha!  Well, unlike my clothes.)
Books read: 13 (Not too shabby! Many thanks to the accountability of a book club!)

I'm sure making new year's resolutions on January 4th doesn't really seem like such a great start, but the volumes of leftovers in the fridge from the holidays are finally depleted enough to make a fresh start now possible.  There is a complex reality that I have to contend with before I even pretend to begin some sort of diet.  First of all, I despise being wasteful.  Everything that is not on the diet must then be very diligently consumed beforehand.  Secondly, I am in love with tasty food.  Therefore, the best kinds of food must be enjoyed in abundance as a kind of last huzzah before the unfortunate desertion of fried and sugary goodness begins.

Okay, so the real reason I'm starting tomorrow is because I was given a piece of Carnegie cheesecake from New York tonight, and there was no way I was going to let that slice of divinity go uneaten--or, more likely, get eaten by my husband, which would have been so much more painful to endure--so here I am, feeling quite bloated and cow-like, ready to start my new year's rez four days late.  Yay for me!

I'm not usually a new year's resolution kind of person, but I actually feel like that this is good timing.  I've been wanting to do these things anyway, so why not start now and move them to the priority list?  So here goes...

11 REASONABLE GOALS FOR 2011:

1. Lose 11 pounds!
2. Eat healthier!
3. Exercise daily!
4. Read!
5. Write more!
6. Do more music!
7. Finish house projects!
8. Try painting and golf!
9. Work on quilt!
10. Make more "ME" time!
11. Maintain a clean, open house!

So what are yours?

happy-sad

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18

Tonight, I finally wept.

Even though God has been guiding us through this whole emotional processes of loss and sadness, I had yet to actually weep freely until tonight.  I really miss my Daddy.  I feel his loss so very much.  It pains me that I can't tell him anymore how much I love him and what an amazing man he was to so many people--especially me.  I will have to wait to see him again before I can jump into his arms, kiss his cheek, or snuggle up to him.  And that is tremendously sad.

I know Jesus sees all of this and that he knows what this great sadness feels like.

But I also know that my daddy wasn't mine to keep...God let him be ours for awhile until the work of Lee Harris was complete.  His was a beautiful story; even the portion of it that I got to share with him was incredible to see and be a part of.  It is sweeter still to be hearing how other people valued their time with my dad, and how on both professional and personal levels, he left an immense impact on a huge number of people.  Their stories and memories are trickling in, and they are a blessing. One of my personal favorites so far: "He was the coolest old guy I ever met."

We are realizing how important it is to cling to truth.  My Dad was an incredible man, but more importantly, he is with Jesus now, and that makes me so very happy.  He is far from dead, though he is gone from us.  God's promises were fulfilled: he who began a good work in Dad has carried it on to completion.

The days before and after Dad left us had some beautiful moments that our family will always treasure.  It also had some very painful and difficult times we will never forget.  But ultimately, they all lead us to praise the name of Jesus and turn our eyes upon Him.  And what a mystery that we can feel happy as we treasure the time we had with Dad even while we are sad he is gone!  We "have found a joy that jumps over sadness"!  Hallelujah!

There is so much more to share.  It will take a long time to articulate all that has been happening with me and my family over the last week.  So for now, it is important to LOVE each other and to glorify Jesus during this time of blended sadness and happiness, or as I've been calling it, the happy-sad.  He has such great plans and purposes that we are beyond what we can imagine.  I am so glad.

so much to say

I am about to take my mom home.  We have been together for ten of the last eleven days.  What a hard, beautiful struggle this journey has been.  It is too much to encapsulate in one little blog post, but I will try to share as much as I can articulate just as soon as I am able.

Now, off to explore the new normal.