happy-sad

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18

Tonight, I finally wept.

Even though God has been guiding us through this whole emotional processes of loss and sadness, I had yet to actually weep freely until tonight.  I really miss my Daddy.  I feel his loss so very much.  It pains me that I can't tell him anymore how much I love him and what an amazing man he was to so many people--especially me.  I will have to wait to see him again before I can jump into his arms, kiss his cheek, or snuggle up to him.  And that is tremendously sad.

I know Jesus sees all of this and that he knows what this great sadness feels like.

But I also know that my daddy wasn't mine to keep...God let him be ours for awhile until the work of Lee Harris was complete.  His was a beautiful story; even the portion of it that I got to share with him was incredible to see and be a part of.  It is sweeter still to be hearing how other people valued their time with my dad, and how on both professional and personal levels, he left an immense impact on a huge number of people.  Their stories and memories are trickling in, and they are a blessing. One of my personal favorites so far: "He was the coolest old guy I ever met."

We are realizing how important it is to cling to truth.  My Dad was an incredible man, but more importantly, he is with Jesus now, and that makes me so very happy.  He is far from dead, though he is gone from us.  God's promises were fulfilled: he who began a good work in Dad has carried it on to completion.

The days before and after Dad left us had some beautiful moments that our family will always treasure.  It also had some very painful and difficult times we will never forget.  But ultimately, they all lead us to praise the name of Jesus and turn our eyes upon Him.  And what a mystery that we can feel happy as we treasure the time we had with Dad even while we are sad he is gone!  We "have found a joy that jumps over sadness"!  Hallelujah!

There is so much more to share.  It will take a long time to articulate all that has been happening with me and my family over the last week.  So for now, it is important to LOVE each other and to glorify Jesus during this time of blended sadness and happiness, or as I've been calling it, the happy-sad.  He has such great plans and purposes that we are beyond what we can imagine.  I am so glad.

so much to say

I am about to take my mom home.  We have been together for ten of the last eleven days.  What a hard, beautiful struggle this journey has been.  It is too much to encapsulate in one little blog post, but I will try to share as much as I can articulate just as soon as I am able.

Now, off to explore the new normal.