I have often felt like a wanderer, knowing I'm destined for something amazing and beautiful but not necessarily knowing where I am going. Usually, I find my sojourns in the deserts and valleys to be brief, seeing as I prefer to reside near the streams and on the mountaintops most often. However, I feel that most of my time in 2014 was spent gazing at mirages, realizing how very thirsty I am.
Not to say that I've been void of joy by any means. What a delight it is to watch my daughter bloom magically before my eyes and have a truly loving husband by my side. How I love to catch moments (however brief and few) to sit at the piano or listen to new music, snuggle with my toddler, or simply give myself the freedom to imagine art projects or daydream.
But despite all of these joys, I know I am missing part of who I am. I know part of what I was created to be was a leader, and specifically, to enter into the presence of God and invite others to join in. Don't get me wrong, I don't need a platform or a title. But being involved in community worship is so very important for me. In His presence is where I find my peace, my worth, my inspiration. I don't need an audience for that to happen, but I can't even explain what a difference it makes to be joined by even just one fellow worshipper, who comes alongside musically in the pursuit of the Holy Spirit. It's the difference between flying solo and having your best buddies come along. I'd much rather make it a party.
So, in the absence of a church community, I am, at the moment, a desert dweller. I will have to be content to wander until I stumble upon the next oasis. I know there are lessons and purpose in the wandering, and I intend to make the most of them. For me, there is no sitting and waiting around for something to happen. There is something out there, and it's only a matter of time. I need to be ready and willing for whatever that is. Does it mean finding a home church? Maybe, maybe not. That doesn't really matter. All I know is that Jesus knows my desires and needs and has a perfect plan and fulfillment in mind. I will go wherever He leads me, even if that means, for the time being, more desert around the next corner.
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(This is my theme song lately and I felt that it was important for me to share. The song is my cover of All Sons & Daughters, "Called Me Higher", and I hope it encourages you: http://youtu.be/NBD1GJCJCvE)
