inspiration

I need a piano.

I've had this thought floating in my head for awhile, but it struck me hard last week as I sorted through a few of my old research papers.  It should have been an obvious truth over the last couple of years, but two Saturdays ago, I suddenly hit a wall of conviction.  I've stopped writing.  I've stopped creating.

Music has become simply a distraction to me during long workouts at the gym, popular songs beating into my ears to urge me on.  I'm no longer appreciating music; I'm using noise to block out my self-inflicted physical pain.  And writing is purely for practical communication, mostly email and text messages.  Abbreviations and texting slang have cluttered my vocabulary.  I've deleted syllables out of words like "probably" and flowered my verbal communication with redundancies or contradictions.  ("I prolly will maybe...")  I mean, what am I saying anymore?

I'm reading my research papers, and I feel stupid.  Not because my papers are terrible, but because they are good.  I can't write like that anymore.  I sit down to play at the piano, and I realize that my fingers have forgotten where these keys and notes are.  My muscle memory from hours of practice every week is gone.

God is a Creator, and designed me in part to reflect this aspect of His character.  Why have I become so distracted by life that I have silenced a core part of my very soul?  This cannot be good.

Okay, so I need a piano.  And to start writing again.  And you know what?   I think it is coming.  The year 2011, I believe, is going to be a year of great redemption...a bringing together again of what was scattered or abandoned during 2009.  That's pretty exciting to me.  Unfortunately, there is a lot of work to be done to enable this.  But perhaps I will be able to sneak some artistic expression into my life in the meantime and not let it slip away.  I do understand why I abandoned my art, but now, it is time to nuture it again and delight in it.

I am so thankful for the life that has gathered around me during the last couple of years.  So many like-minded people have become my family and have adhered to this communal journey.  I love that.  And now it is my responsibility to be who I am and use my skills and gifts.  Oh what joy to do this together and inspire each other!