on the back porch

What a lovely way to begin a day--skipping the gym and drinking tea on my back porch in absolutely perfect chilly weather.  I'm trying to imagine what kind of garden I can grow out here on my porch and where in my yard I can put my plants that will need full sun.  Maybe I should start with the porch to see if I can handle maintaining something small first before I try some giant vegetable garden doomed for failure.  I have this habit of trying to keep plants alive, neglecting them altogether, then desperately trying to keep them from dying again.  I think I'll have to figure out how to fix this problem of mine.

If I could make this morning tea on the porch thing a daily habit, it would be no problem.  And I like that idea, except it means waking up early enough to do it.  Thankfully, since Ryan's schedule has changed, I'll be able to try it out.  I'm kind of a morning person, at least I think I still am, but I'll have to unadjust to what I've made myself do over the last year or so.

Over the last few days, I've been pondering a few different things: how I'd like to improve this home of ours that I love so much, how I want to travel and go back to my beautiful city of Edinburgh, and why books have certain affects on me and why I can react to them so emotionally.

I love our home, but I feel that there is so much more I could do to make it feel homier.  There are rooms that have hardly been touched, and even the ones we use are painfully barren.  I'm not a knick-knack person, and I find that most home decor items are way too kitchy for my tastes.  I love art, but the good stuff is pretty expensive.  Even trying to make it myself will still require an expensive visit to the craft store.  Decorating on a budget AND having very narrowed tastes is often very perplexing.

Edinburgh looms over me like a beautiful dream.  I find myself imagining I am on the coast of St. Andrews or climbing Arthur's Seat, and my heart starts to burn with longing.  It's more than just the beauty of Scotland, the wonderful friendships there, or the fun of traveling.  A part of my heart is still enraptured by the freedom I experienced while I lived there.  To me, Scotland means growth, inspiration, and freedom.

Then there's this thing with books.  I love my book club gals so much and how being a part of this group has re-engaged my mind to such a variety of literary wonders.  In some ways, it's similar to being back in school again, but without the homework, tests, and cafeteria food.  I love reading not just for the joy of it, but also to engage my mind in it and to discuss it with others, glimpsing into their thoughts as well.

Right now, we are reading a book I would never recommend to anyone called "Running With Scissors".  They made a movie out of it, and it is supposedly a comedy, but I find it much more disturbing and depressing than most things I have read.  This is partly because it is also one of the most vulgar and explicit things I've read.  It has been facinating to finally be able to move past my emotional responses of how I feel about it and dig into what I actually think about it, which seem to be two different responses.  I am actually enjoying this unique process, because usually what I feel and think about a book is pretty much the same.  I'm excited to talk about it, but that requires someone else in the book club getting past the first few chapters.  We'll see what happens.

Anyway, it's been a delight to take a little time this morning to blog, and even more delightful to skip my gym workout today.  I have been doing well over the last week and a half, going to the gym every weekday and keeping an eye on what I am eating.  I might have lost a pound since the beginning of the year.  I hate how slowly my excess weight drips off me.  If I keep pressing in, I know each pound will come off one at a time, slowly but surely.  I just have to be dilligent...and that's the hard part.  There is no easy way.

Life is good.  There is a lot of work to be done, but there is much joy in it.  Enjoy the day!